I Gotta Say It

I agree with this statement from this article; I came across it when I visited Marilyn’s blog this morning. As I responded to her question I realized how much the “positivity movement” bothers me. I think there are some well-intentioned people getting caught up in this – I urge them to rethink what they are supporting.

The “blame the victim” mentality is abhorrent to me. Is the rape victim responsible for the horror she experienced because she’s been too negative lately? Are the terminally and chronically ill sick because they failed to be positive enough? I have Menier’s Disease; according to a certain church near my home I have it because I have not been positive enough – and if I could just be positive enough I could cure myself. Am I supposed to thank them now for giving me the message that I am a failed human being if I cannot manage to change my condition or, as the article so eloquently put, “make friends” with my disease? This reeks of elitist thinking: If one has money, health etc. then one is a successful positive human being not at all like those awful negative people living in the inner city who are poor and sick so much of the time.

Do I advocate pissing and moaning all the time? No, BUT I sure don’t advocate asphalting over all those supposedly negative feelings with positive affirmations. That does give me a hell of a headache. I need my crying days, time to curl up somewhere and lick my wounds, healthy ways of ranting (and raving) at injustice, and I even might need to call a friend to listen to my “negativity” and offer me support and empathy. Now I realize this last statement is one of the mortal sins of positivity: Never burden your friends with your “negativity”, never hang out with anyone who feels they need to give voice to their “negative” feelings.

Now here is where I want to clarify a statement I made in a recent post. I don’t think dwelling obsessively on trouble is particularly good for me, BUT I also believe that if I am caught up in obsessive thinking it’s because I have not allowed myself to express my anger, sorrow (and yes, even hatred) in some way that doesn’t harm anyone else. Before anyone jumps to any conclusions, I don’t mean go knock on your neighbor’s door and let them know how much you despise them and their dog. But if I find myself despising my neighbor (and their very snarky dog) I will do myself more damage if I try to deny I feel that way in the name of positivity. My husband is a really good listener, he’s not afraid my “negativity” will damage his self-esteem. We’re both firm believers in getting things off your chest.

Do I deny that there’s a body mind connection? No – asphalting over my feelings will give my stomach fits every time.

Do I deny that focusing on goals can bring about positive results? No – if I focus on something I am more likely to take action BUT it’s still not a guarantee of success.

Do I deny the wonder and “magic” of this confounding Universe? No – there are things beyond my understanding. I just don’t believe that thinking positively is sufficient to bring about anyone’s health, wealth or happiness. Sure, we can all create our own misery with bad choices and refusal to take responsibility for them – but that is a whole other cauldron of fish.

There’s so much more I want to say – I don’t think I have it all out of my system yet. I think I’ll call someone.